In our third installment of The Top 5 Ways Women Sabotage Themselves in Business, Laura L. Brown is addressing the topic of 
Negative Languaging.
One of the first questions we received touches on one of the most common issues for women.
Is it appropriate to say “I’m sorry” in business? Do women overapologize?
Apologizing is something women do without even realizing the words are coming out. I invite you to keep track for one day of the number of times you say, “I’m sorry.” I guarantee you will be surprised. And most likely as you say it, you aren’t really apologizing for anything. It’s just a natural reflex.
I’m sorry, can you pass the water?
I’m sorry, did you need to talk to me?
I’m sorry, may I squeeze by you?
Women say “I’m sorry” so often as a lead in to a question, when it would be more appropriate to say “excuse me” or “pardon me” or just ask the question with no lead in at all. Women even say “I’m sorry” when people bump into US! It’s become a reflex.
As far as whether it’s appropriate to apologize in business – just like in any situation in life, if you are in the wrong and are sincerely wishing to make amends, then of course, apologize to the offended party. But do not use the words “I’m sorry” without thinking.
Men do not throw around those words for a reason. It makes you look weak and if you are apologizing all of the time, then you appear to make a lot of mistakes, neither of which are going to reflect well on you.
Another great question came up about EXPLAINING.
Is it fair to expect male managers to understand when you’d like to be at your kid’s school one day for a special event and so will need to work from home?
Do you ask permission or do you take it given the reputation and work ethic you’ve grown?
Obviously, there are many factors at play here, not the least of which is your position in the company, your relationship with your boss, and the expectations of individuals in your particular company. If working from home on occasion is an accepted practice in your office, then all you need to do is inform your boss that you will be working from home on X day, assuming you actually will be at home working and only at your child’s school for a few hours.
Never lie to your boss, but do not go into any big explanation of what you are doing with your personal time either. If your boss questions your desire to work from home, then tell him you have an appointment near your house and working from home will allow you to make the most of your day without having to commute.
Women have a tendency to over share at work because they feel that if their boss or colleagues know why they were late, or why they need time off, they will be more understanding.
The truth is that no one really cares to hear your explanations.
They care whether you are doing your share of the workload, and can be relied upon to follow thru with your commitments and responsibilities. In many cases, providing an explanation only hurts your reputation.
These examples are only the tip of the iceberg in the discussion of how women undermine their own success using negative languaging. If you want to learn more, stay tuned for an exciting announcement coming next week that will give you the opportunity to ask me your questions live!
.
To learn more about how Laura can support you or your organization in career development and advancement, go to www.LotusLifeWork.com and sign up to receive her newsletter and information about the March launch of her self study product: Positively Promotable – Understanding Men at Work. You can also download her free smartphone app for Android and iPhone – search for “LotusLifeWork” to receive daily doses of information, inspiration and introspection!
.
Share and comment below.
Have you subscribed to In Our Shoes?
.
