This just in from IOS reader Natasha Lowery,  an American Texan transplant, stay-at-home mom of four enjoying life in London (her husband’s company relocated to the UK). Given all of the recent headlines comparing the French to American parenting, Natasha reached out to In Our Shoes to shed some light on what’s not being talked about in the media – the culture clash on:

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how it feels to be an American parent on British soil.

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Natasha Lowery – True Blooded Texan who speaks her mind:

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‘The British tell us that we have well-behaved children (which has never happened in America!). I can see why, British children are left to rule the roost in church and other places. My husband and I set out parenting much like the French. We didn’t think it was good for our emotional well being to be exhausted because kids were loading into bed with us, making it impossible for us to sleep. The  kids were encouraged (still are) to use proper silverware, set a table, engage in conversation, etc. 

Since moving here however, we’ve actually lowered our standards, in part because of the culture around us.

  If we discipline for loud, disruptive behavior in public places, (say, having to do a time out at a restaurant), you should see the glares we get!  It’s as if they are accusing us of child abuse.
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Really? Because he threw a knife or punched his sister, that doesn’t require discipline?

I think the Brits feel that a mere reminder to children about polite behavior should suffice.  But when it doesn’t, then what? This is as far as it goes with the Brits. When speaking to a British counselor about my son who is anxious at night and how we would not let him sleep with us, she asked, “And do you let him now?”  The answer was ‘Yes’, but I could tell by the look in her eyes and by her tone that if I said “No” she would have concluded that we are in fact the source of all the problems.
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I think the British are great with children in many ways.  They typically do not raise their voice.  They use kind words of affection, and I don’t believe they say anything negative about even their problematic children.  When riding around with our realtor, my husband and I were making a bit of fun at our son who is always stirring up trouble.  She said, “Well, you certainly don’t portray your children in a positive light.” Ouch, that really stung but woke me up.  Joking about my kids’  doesn’t make the issues funny and it doesn’t make me a very kind parent.   The British are very thoughtful, respectful and polite.
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I have a friend whose husband is French.  She recounted the way her husband was raised.  She said it isn’t pretty and that she would NOT raise her child in the cruel way of the French. So, I don’t know where the truth lies.  I think we would all do well to have a life outside of our kids, to raise them to know they are not the center of the universe while still instilling the idea that they are important in this universe.  I guess the best practices will be revealed by the outcome.  Who are ultimately the nicest, most respectful adults?  With respect to the French, perhaps they could have used more cuddles as kids? That’s what that British counselor would say!  In the end though,
 

my husband and I have become better parents with the Brits’ influence.

 
There’s less anger, less authoritarian rule, more respect. ‘ – Natasha Lowery
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Shoe Hostess:

On my last trip to London I was in the company of a couple (the dad was a middle school science teacher) with their two young children. Looking back, I did find them endearing and soft spoken, not a bad example to follow. Thanks Natasha for bravely sharing your story with the universe here @ In Our Shoes – no judgement calls, although I do believe knife throwing in public places is indeed a safety issue requiring proper discipline. 

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Americans love the Brits and while there are bound to be differences in parenting styles due to cultural attitudes, it sounds like moms and mums are very much on the same front when compared to the individualistic parenting going down in France. Still, as your Shoe Hostess I’m not here to talk about the French. I’m here to talk about all the shoes which moms and mums wear – yes even when living on foreign soil.

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.Afternoon tea anyone?

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Marisa Santoro
Marisa Santoro