Ever have a big (or little) setback at work? You’re not the first and certainly not the last to step into those “breakdown” shoes at some point in their career. I know women on trading floors who have grown their thickest skin from the verbal abuse they have been immersed in one too many times.
We’ve all been there. The key word being “we” as women because we’re the more emotional creatures as they say, right? There’s nothing wrong with you if you’ve let your emotions get the best of you when you’re trying to be on your A-game. The problem is that we are so caught up in what other people think of us that we internalize it to a point that we feel powerless. To this day I can still recall a cry session I once had in the office years ago which helped me take back that power. I sobbed in the bathroom stall (you know the one in the far back reserved for the handicapped?) for over a half hour. Cried out, I returned to my office composed and waited the day out.
What I realized after that setback was that I let my emotions get the best of me and had no control over my reaction. At that time, I had things happening in my personal life which I hadn’t realized were crossing over to the work playing field. I recognized it later, when I was out of it, but for a while there the self-sabotage thoughts crept in and could have taken my confidence down a few notches at work had I let it.
Recently I heard from a subscriber who had just had her first baby and returned back to work. In her case she cried to be home with her newborn, but on weekends while at home she cried because she felt she was letting her career go.
I’ve heard from so many women and felt enough of these emotional periods myself to recognize that first, no one is talking about them! Second, it is affecting our self-esteem at work.
So I’d like to share here what I’ve done and what every other woman I know has done when life gets in the way. I hope it clears the path for you so that you recognize that you are very normal and that no one knows what it’s like in your shoes, except you.
- Never let them see you cry. It happens, but try not to let them see you. Leave the building, go to another floor if you have to.
- Give yourself a break. You’re human. You’re also not the first person to have a mini-breakdown behind closed doors.
- Recognize what weakened you. In my case I had the confidence but I brought the personal to the table which in retrospect was my weakest link at the time.
- Be honest with yourself. What’s really going on? If someone can take you down at work which has you dropping even one tear, there’s usually something more in the bigger picture, that has nothing to do with the work environment which triggered it in the first place.
Let’s face it, you are there to play a bigger game on work, taking on more leadership roles. Write off anything less, kick it to the curb and move on. In the long run, we as women can sometimes be our worst enemy. Men don’t have these problems!
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With love and lots of gutsiness,
