Detached vs. Disinterested

A new gutsy strategy for the week coming your way today.

Let’s take gutsy Liz for example again. She is a rock star at work and checked all of the boxes on her responsibilities, worked really hard but turned a blind eye to recent constructive feedback which highlights a pattern in her personality which happens to rub others the wrong way (she has a somewhat abrasive bedside manner). It doesn’t matter how well she performs, it’s that perception and communication approach which will supersede and shadow her results.

Now, I know what you’re thinking.

What about the flip side Marisa?  I’ve seen bulls in the china shop consistently advance, who do next to nothing where I’m left questioning – how does that work when he or she is the last person anyone feels comfortable hanging out with, at work?

Look to the culture you’re sitting in. Perhaps that leadership style works and will always be promoted within. Perhaps they figured out the “system”, there’s always a system inside every organization. Perhaps talking the talk is all that’s necessary as long as they keep things humming and make their leadership team look great, which then begs the question – should you stay? and is it likely you will find someone who will support your advancement there?  Everything is a choice.

On a recent coaching call, I recognized a pattern that I wanted to share to support you today. If you consider yourself the mindful listener who prefers to observe and process before pitching your ideas, that will work for a short while, but be aware that there’s a cost to that if you wait too long to drive discussions and ask questions – pointing out inefficiencies and unbalanced resource loads for example. You risk being perceived and pigeon-holed as someone who is disinterested in their role when in truth you are fully engaged and committed.

Gutsy Strategy for the Week

Whether you want to advance to a more senior level, interview for a new opportunity, transition to something else or start your side-hustle, everything is an opportunity. I don’t care if you are washing your hands in the bathroom, sharing an elevator ride, building a house for Habitat for Humanity or bumping elbows at the Starbucks downstairs with someone, give yourself permission to find an IN and self-promote gracefully, talk about your best practices and proposed ideas with  HIGH-INTENTION, LOW-ATTACHMENT leaving them asking for more.

Then LET GO. In the detached sense, not disinterested.

Lead them with what you, the professional expert, knows has worked and what you have personally found will certifiably not work, including what you’ve seen has not worked for others. Give examples, kick in your storytelling gene. It’s easy to fall into the trap of talking about what we think others want to hear, however the very opposite is true. Lead as if you are their trusted advisor, packaging what you know. Lead from your gut when that opportunity presents itself, which it always will, when you have set that intention.

The Gutsy Leadership High-Intention, Low Attachment communication strategy works every time because you are not only intentional about what you believe (versus what the other person wants to hear)  but also  are DETACHING from the outcome. You fully expect positive results, every time.

If you have received feedback that you appear disinterested or lack the engagement others would expect, then turn it around.

Lead them.

Go in there with your ideas and proposals and then DETACH from how it turns out. Your job is done. Just as you would be prepared to walk away as they say, when you’re buying that new car or home with the price tag you had in mind. You tell the salesperson what you’re willing to pay and then lovingly get up, and walk away – letting it go, fully expecting to be reeled in later at a much better price point. : )

If this resonates and we’re being honest, there usually is some level of fear from holding you back. Fortunately, we know a lot about FEAR to kick it to the curb. When you call it out, name it and embrace it  when it shows up, and act IN SPITE OF fear, that’s when you’re going gutsy in growth mode and creating what you want. It’s like you get bonused for doing what you’re supposed to do. As a happy side-effect when you’re acting on those impulses, making those gutsy moves you find freedom. Not just any freedom.

Freedom to create what you want, aligned with who you are and what brings you joy.

5 Gutsy Moves to Creating what you Want 

– Have a clear intention, without compromises  as to why it can’t happen.

– Feel positive emotions around your desire, as if it’s already happened. (found in module: See What You Want, Get What You See)

– Believe that what you want is beneficial. Feel those results and why they matter.

– Be prepared for any response you receive, positive, negative – doesn’t matter. Be open to feedback. (found in module: Fall Forward with Feedback)

– Detach and let it go. Now you can walk away.

Detachment, not disinterest.

There are two major components in the Gutsy Leadership training curriculum: (1) the professional development modules focused on business leadership and (2) the personal development modules focused on self-leadership. Together, these proven professional and personal strategies when implemented step-by-step, will create breakthrough results for you in your career, and in other areas of your life including improving your personal relationships – guaranteed.

Reach out for a curriculum here for you or your organization’s Diversity & Inclusion training needs.

Make it a gutsy week. As always, I’m setting an intention that you do.

big squeeze coming your way,


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